Discipline, Comfort & Love

Last night was not a good night as far as sleep and Mallory go. She decided that she didn't want to sleep, and Manda and I decided that we were not going to give in to her screaming. It was not fun. We first tried to gently rock/sing her to sleep in her crib, but she would have none of that. She did not want to sleep in her room and let us know with loud banshee shrieks, so we told her she needed to be quite and go to sleep. When she refused, we asked if she wanted us to just leave her in her crib and us go back into our room. She said, "Yes," so we did. I don't think she really knew what she was asking because she continued screaming for about 1.5 hours after that, but eventually, finally, she laid down and went to sleep. It was not fun at all, and I am quite tired today, but it got me thinking about something.

Mallory was, obviously upset, and she was upset at us. However, the initial source of her frustration and anger last night was her failure to obey us. We had every intention and desire to have a pleasant bedtime, putting her to sleep while lovingly rocking her and singing to her. However, she chose, instead to fight and claw and scream, in order to get her way. Ironically, she got what she said she wanted, for us to leave her room. The entire time we were seconds away, watching her in the monitor, making sure she didn't hurt herself, but we allowed her to cry. Even though every fiber of us wanted to just go in, pick her up, love her, comfort her ... we let her cry. We let her cry because we love her, and in the long run it is going to be better for her. When she comes into our room she doesn't sleep well, we don't sleep well, and the next day everyone is a bit crankier, and she tends to get in more trouble. She needs to sleep in her room, and so, even though it was hard. We let her cry.

How often do we do this with God? God has a specific plan for us, and it's great. If we were to follow it and allow Him to do what He has planned we would be blown away by how great it is, but instead of peacefully drifting off to sleep in His arms, to the sound of His voice, we kick and scream and claw and demand our way. We fight tooth and nail to disobey and do what we "know" will be better. Then, when God says, "I want to rock you to sleep peacefully in my arms. Do you want this, or do you want to deny this?" we deny it. We ask/tell Him to leave, and then we are furious that we don't feel Him there. It makes no sense.

However, just like Manda and I never truly left and abandoned Mallory, God never leaves us. He will allow us to go our own way sometime and do what we want, but He is always there, watching us, and His heart is breaking to see the pain we are going through. He is standing there, knowing that if we would just allow Him to take over everything would be so much better, and yet, because He loves us, He is witholding, allowing us to make our own choices, and suffer the consequences, in order that we may learn.

So often we feel like God abandons us and leaves us alone when we are the most upset, but we do not see the big picture, and we forget that we asked Him to leave in the first place. However, even in the midst of our screaming, flailing of legs, and attempts to climb out of our crib, He is always there, loving us, caring about us, and waiting for us to choose to surrender and let Him take over so He can hold us in His arms.

"...I will never leave you nor forsake you." -- Joshua 1:5b

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -- Jeremiah 29:11